The Bacak Nation
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Our New Life
(Images above: Ella learns to play in the Bacak house! I love the dress-up on her! Also, she shows off her Ghanaian superpower of carrying things perfectly balanced on her head.)
Today marks two weeks with Ella home.
I know, it's taken me two weeks to finally update, but it's been a bit crazy, adjusting to our new life.
I do call it a new life, because life will never be the same.
Much like having your first baby, life is forever changed in good AND hard ways.
Just to recap if you don't know us, we have adopted an older child internationally, disrupted our birth order, and she is deaf, so this is a special need that very much affects all of our lives.
All the changes and adjustments are complex, and I find it hard to answer they question, "how's it going?"
I usually say GOOD and HARD.
So let me recap some of the "goods" and then the "hards". Those are my main two categories.
GOOD!:
*It's so good to have Ella home! We waited for what felt like forever for her visa to come through, and it is still a little surreal that the Embassy ordeal is over and our little Ghanaian daughter is home! I love having her here and so enjoy her!
*She is bubbly and fun! I LOVE seeing life in America through her eyes! The smallest things bring her such joy! The water and ice dispenser, automatic paper towel dispenser, hot water from the sink, baths in the bath tub, riding her bike, and swimming...all bring her pure elation every time! It doesn't get old.
Deaf kids are generally very expressive, but my daughter...good heavens...SO expressive, so dramatic, such a big signer...she's just entertaining at times.
*Our bonding with her and her with us is going unbelievably well! It's such a night and day difference from our experience with her in Ghana. When we were there, she didn't want anything to do with Rusty. We never dreamed she would be the Daddy's girl she is today! It's such an answer to prayer! When we were in Ghana she wouldn't even sit next to him in the taxi. It had NOTHING to do with Rusty! She had no regard for men at all, and no respect for them. She didn't have a reason to. Respecting men is a new way of life for her. But today, she respects Rusty, she runs to him when he comes home from work and wants him to hold her for an hour. I've watched my man jump on the trampoline while holding her. He's amazing. She adores him now, Praise the Lord!
She and I bonded pretty well in Ghana, and have continued bonding even more since she's been home. I'm so thankful that this process (and it is a process!!!) is going well.
*My ASL skills are improving. They were more than a bit rusty, so I'm so pleased that communication for us is going well at home, and my brain is starting to think in ASL more and more. I have little difficulty understanding her most of the time. Her language level is still relatively low due to her underexposure to language in her life, but rising daily.
I'm so proud of my husband!!! He is signing better every day! He works so hard at signing and is doing amazingly well!
*God has provided in such a huge way with people in our life that have prepared us and supported us in very specific and important ways! I have two women who are so dear to me who have walked ahead of me. They are lifelines for me! One of these friends has adopted deaf children, so she has prepped me on my ADA rights for Ella and how to request an interpreter for her. I've done this twice already and it made my stomach hurt. People are not always excited or aware of ADA and the cost it incurs. This is why America is so great! People with disabilities are not second-class citizens! I feel so blessed to live here and for Ella to have so many opportunities open to her! But I have to be an advocate for her, always ready to defend those rights. You see why it makes my stomach hurt? With this issue and about one hundred more, Shannan and Shelly have walked me through it, talked me down from panic, given me the, "Yep...I know" commiseration, and such profound and Godly wisdom and advice! I'm SO THANKFUL for God's provision in these women, and others. Of course, for my Mom. She is my constant source of wisdom and advice. This road is hard, but God has provided people to walk alongside me and give the support we need. He is so good!
*Of all the issues that fall under the "hard" category, we could be experiencing them more severely than we are. I'm thankful, though there are daily issues to deal with, they're not worse. And sleep has gone amazingly well, Praise the Lord!
* Ella is adapting to American life so much better and faster than I could adapt to another culture. I am amazed at her adaptability at times. This life is utterly foreign to her, and she is rolling with it better than expected.
HARD!:
(DISCLAIMER: While I want to be honest with you about the struggles we face, I will not always fully disclose to the world on the internet the nitty-gritty details. I want to protect my children, their stories, and their right to tell. I want them to be able to come back and read all of this someday and not feel embarrassed or ashamed about what I disclosed. I can tell my own junk. They have the right to choose when to share their own junk.)
*Assimilating Ella into our family is harder than I anticipated. I should have anticipated this more, but I'm not sure you totally can. We have disrupted our birth order. This is not recommended because it's hard. Children see their ages as a badge they wear and they fall in line in the pecking order accordingly. We sometimes forget this as adults, but it's true. Ella falls smack-dab in the middle of my bigs and my littles. This has been extremely difficult for my littles. They do not enjoy feeling usurped by her. They have not warmed up to the idea yet.
* Trying to interpret her personality to them is difficult at times. Blending these personalities together is a challenge. We are crossing many cultural boundaries here. She is very much Ghanaian. Their culture is very different from ours! Also, deaf culture is very unique and distinct. Her volume level, her inappropriate use of her voice, laughing at things they take offense at, are all examples of issues all the kids are struggling with. This is going to take time to work through some of these issues. Much to my dismay, it doesn't all fall into place in two weeks time. In my dream world, I just thought "they're kids! They'll just play and love each other instantly!" It's not that easy. Don't get me wrong! Some of this is going well, but it's different for each of my kids. Some of them feel more love, affection, and acceptance of her than others. Bonding just doesn't happen instantly. Much to my chagrin.
*Learning to sign all of the time is very difficult. I personally find it difficult while I'm trying to teach school to the other kids. The kids find it difficult all of the time. Understandably so! Learning a new language is not easy, and it's completely life changing to have to speak it almost all of time! But it's a must. We have to all sign, end of story. How to get my kids there, I'm not quite sure yet. We are in the midst of this one, and when we arrive, I'll let you know. Again, some of them are doing better than others on this one.
*Interpreting everything in our lives is not an easy task either. Church just became very difficult. But God is providing for us as we adjust to this. We also just purchased most of the Bible in ASL that we will utilize in church and in family worship. I'm so thankful for resources like this one!
*We have the normal issues that so many international and older adopted children experience. Food issues. She is adapting better to food than I expected! She just found she likes ketchup as well as peanut butter sandwiches, which I think officially makes her an American kid. But food is still an issue. Meal time can be exhausting. She likes eggs. Those are familiar. We have literally gone through triple digits of eggs since she got here. I'm officially tired of scrambling eggs. She eats five scrambled eggs every morning! (We have documented her starting weight!) Food for these kids needs to be accessible and on-hand, which I sometimes stink at. I forget to pack snacks when we leave the house sometimes. That can bring on a breakdown. There is great security in knowing that food is there, and it's still going to be there tomorrow.
*I don't know how else to explain this adjustment time other than exhausting. This requires all of my time and energy. Every minute of every day. Trying to keep everyone together, communicating, breaking up disputes and misunderstandings, hoping to facilitate bonding breakthroughs, helping her to feel loved, secure, included, at home, helping all the other kids feel loved, secure, not forgotten...there's little time to answer e-mails, shower, return texts, and school my children! This leads into our decision to put Ella in public school. One reason: No one is getting a good education around here right now. That makes me crazy! I can't meet her educational needs, and I can't meet anyone else's. It's just too much. Also, I am not providing a language rich environment around here or able to spend quality time with her in the morning. So she will soon be starting school with the Deaf Ed program here in Bryan. It's at a great school and is a great classroom! I am very pleased with everything I've seen and learned so far! It is definitely weird and hard for me to put our child into public school for the first time. No offense to public school, this is just new for me. But I know this is a good place for her and for all of us right now, and she is very excited to get a backpack and ride the bus. She will start going half days at first, which makes it feel do-able I think.
This is not an exhaustive list of the goods and hards, but it's a start. I need to get back to my life swirling around me. I am thankful for prayers for us and for Ella!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Happy Birthday Emma!
I know I need to update my blog...Ella's been home for exactly one week, and I so appreciate all of you who have been praying for our transition.
However, there's hardly time to shower, much less blog, I feel like. (Can I hear an AMEN!?)
But today, I need to pause this craziness in our life and celebrate my baby girl...my very first baby girl...Emma.
I am so thankful for this child. God has poured out his grace and goodness on her and made her His own!
She is a daughter of the King!
She loves God's Word, and many mornings snuggles next to me while with her own Bible, her own reading plan she has come up with.
The massive change that this adoption has heaped on her life could turn her inside out, but she has been steadfast this week.
Not unshaken. We've all been a bit shaky.
But she's leaning on the Lord with us and been adaptable when she probably didn't feel like being adaptable.
She loves us with all her might.
She reads like I always longed for my child to read.
(She got a Kindle for her birthday today, and has already downloaded "Pride and Prejudice" and "Great Expectations". I love it!)
She can run on all fours like a horse freakishly fast (when she doesn't have a broken arm). That's uniquely Em.
She loves to ride. She was born in love with horses somehow. She has taught me to love horses.
She actually teaches me all the time. I'm not sure who's homeschooling who?
She has her moments and struggles...because, duh! We all do!
But I adore my first baby, my sweet Emma Michal!
When she made her long awaited entrance, we had no idea what motherhood and fatherhood would really feel like.
I remember the amazing revelation of not only how much my parents must love me, but how deep the Father's love for us is.
We love you, Em. We have always, and will always, LOVE YOU!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
It's our homecoming day!
Watching the sunrise this morning was exciting.
Here I sit, in the same spot I have sat for the more than a month, every morning.
I have pleaded with the Lord in this spot.
I have battled hopelessness, anger, frustration, and sadness.
I have wrestled with them, and have run to the Lord and His Word.
Ten days ago, I wrote in my journal as I sat here,
"I'm watching light spill out on another morning, and Ella's not here.
She's not coming this week.
Probably not next week.
Lord, help me to trust you and your timing."
The Lord has ministered to me in those moments.
But today...today I have watched light spill out on the day she comes home.
This very day, she will be in our home! I have thought about this day everyday
for the past 113 days.
It's finally here!
In fact, as I type, Rusty and Ella are on a flight from Washington D.C. to Houston.
She is actually a U.S. citizen now. (I think. I won't pretend to understand all the legalities from here.)
She handled the overnight flight beautifully. Two more flights to go.
Today will just be the beginning of our new life together.
There is so much to adjust to! Our electronic lives take these children by surprise!
It's like us going to live with the Jetson's all of a sudden!
Things move by themselves! Escalators, garage doors, like magic.
The face of College Station, TX could not look more different from her home in Ghana.
Food. Oh goodness. Food is so hard! This will be a challenge.
And I know that some things I anticipate to be hard, might go swimmingly well!
And there will be things that catch us completely off guard!
Signing all of the time, all of us, is going to be challenge #1, if you ask me!
But all of these challenges, we are ready... I think we're ready (deep sigh and prayer)...
to face them today. We face them with great joy in having all of our family together,
under one roof for the first time today! Praise the Lord, for putting all of these children
as a gift under our care. What an awesome, take your breath away, strike the fear of God in you,
responsibility and privelege.
By the grace of God, we forge a new path today in the Bacak home.
The Bacak Nation has gone national! Praise the Lord! Today is the day!
Sunday, September 04, 2011
Coming Home!
Finally, our daughter is coming home.
Rusty is leaving this week to go get her and we even have a plane ticket for her to the U.S.!
We are so relieved that this waiting period is coming to an end, and that we feel certain her visa will be issued.
We appreciate more than we can say the prayers so many have prayed on her behalf.
We can't wait for her to get here! Friends and family, this little girl is a spitfire, so it's time for you to meet her!
We know getting her home is just the beginning of a sweet, rewarding, but extremely difficult journey.
But we are so thrilled to add Ella to our family, as God ordained it to be from the beginning of time!
These first few weeks are going to be overwhelming for her, and probably for us as well.
Can you imagine the culture shock these children feel?
Having spent two weeks in Ghana, seeing how night and day different it is there, I know it's going to be serious overload for her.
Every adoption expert tells you to stay home and establish a routine as much as possible in the first few weeks.
Introduce people in your life slowly, not all at once.
Keep the traffic in and out of your house at a minimum initially.
Some of the hurdles we'll face involve food, air conditioning, and of course, BONDING!
Adding an older child to your family is big enough, but adding a deaf child has its own unique challenges.
Communication as a family will be a learning process, to say the least.
If you feel led to pray for us, you can pray:
-For all of my children to learn to sign fluently and that we would all be committed to using sign at all times in the house. This is huge! (Some of my kids are signing better than others.)
-Pray for Ella's adjustment to U.S. culture, food, environment, being surrounded by SO MANY white people, and sleep.
-Pray for bonding for everyone! As Ella grieves the loss of her birth family, she has to embrace us as her family, and vice versa. Please pray for this process, that God would do what only He can do in our family!
-For Ella's schooling. There is so much to consider, and we need divine wisdom as we begin teaching her and continue to make decisions concerning her education.
-We need people in our life that can sign/ will learn to sign to be babysitters, interpreters at church, etc. We are so thankful for the people He has already provided! Praise the Lord!
-Finally, safe travel for Rusty and Ella, and for their bonding while they are there together.
I'm sure there's more, but I'll stop.
Thank you again to those who have followed this, who have prayed, and who continue to pray. We can't tell you how thankful we are!
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Waiting Well
Let me update you on the progress of Ella’s visa…(deep sigh)...well…there is no real update to give. She has an appointment at the Embassy tomorrow, August 29th, and we hope to know something after that appointment. However, we have learned that this Embassy is completely uncommunicative and only gives us conflicting and confusing bits of information via e-mail. So answers and timelines are extremely hard to come by.
We have been in a period of waiting. Who likes waiting? Not me! This is not the way I wanted this thing to go down. But God is truly sanctifying us during this time of waiting for Ella to come home. I pray we look more like Christ because of it.
A friend and elder at our church wrote an article several months back about waiting well. They were waiting for their baby to come home, in the painful waiting period of their adoption process. I was so glad my friend Lindsay sent me that article to read this week. Her husband Kyle wrote, quite articulately, about what it meant to wait well.
This was a good jumping off place for me this week in my time with the Lord and journaling. I decided to share my own thoughts of what God has shown me concerning waiting well, and how I’ve failed to do so at times.
Here are my five points, inspired by my friends, in what it means for us to wait well right now:
1. Waiting with truth. We need to be meditating on scripture, on God’s goodness, His nearness, and His love for us during this time. I also have put on scripture that reminds me that God can be trusted, and that our hope is in Him, not in man. The passage I’ve clung to the most is from Psalm 33.
“We wait in hope for the Lord;
He is our help and our shield.
In Him our hearts rejoice,
For we trust in His holy name.
May your unfailing love rest upon us,
O Lord, even as we put our hope in You!”
2. As I wait, I need to be making the most of the waiting days I'm given. This means being productive, present with my husband and children and the people around me, not just living for the future. I need to take advantage of the days of preparation this allows me. I found this very difficult at first. Moving on with our life as normal without our daughter felt wrong and painful. Our life is not normal. We did not just go on vacation to Ghana and come back the same. God did the amazing thing He does with adoption, where He takes our hearts and knits them together with a child that does not look like us, does not share our DNA, does not share much at all in common, come to think of it! But in two weeks time (and this is a bonding process that can vary in time for every family, every adoption, but the end result is the same), we gained a daughter that we love like we love our other children. Something drastic happened to our family. And it was invisible to everyone who saw us because we did not bring her home with us. God had to force me to get up and move and be present in my life during this waiting period and grief I felt in leaving her behind. I think this is true for many people who are grieving, period. We have had a summer filled with grief. Just to recap this summer, we lost Rusty's Mom, and 10 days later, lost my grandfather. A few days after the funeral, we left for Ghana and started the emotional roller coaster of our adoption. It's been intense! And everywhere we turn, we feel grief. But people who have grieved much more tragic losses than ours can tell you, we have to move on. I need to take each day of this waiting period as the gift it is, and live the precious life He's given me.
3. Waiting in prayer. I'm going to be honest. Sometimes it's easier to seek distraction rather than focus on prayer. Don't get me wrong, I think distraction has it's place in seasons like this, but my focus need to remain. Prayer. It's all we have. Pleading to the God of the universe that holds all things in His hands. He is good and hears our prayers.
4. Waiting in community. Even when clinging to the truths about God and being in prayer, pain exists. Real pain. It's tempting when you are feeling pain to want to crawl inside a shell and hide from people and community. I have had to force myself at times to be with people and to be real with people. I have found myself gravitating toward the people I feel freedom to be the most real with. Being in community in these times can be challenging, but the alternative is withdrawal from community, and isolation. I believe isolation is exactly where the Enemy wants every one of us. That is where he does his best work. The truth is, I need people in my life I can hurt with, be honest with, cry with, and live this life with. This is the Body of Christ. This is what I need desperately.
5. Waiting with perspective. Grief, pain, loss, and waiting can be consuming. It tends to be the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning, and the last thing when you go to sleep. It can fill your thoughts every minute in between if you let it and your dreams at night. But I need my thoughts to be outward, remembering others who are hurting, some in far more severe situations, and some in far less. I need to force myself to draw my thoughts and attention to others and always to Christ. Thinking about myself and my emotions 24/7 is not the answer. Isn't honesty lovely?
I know these are just my thoughts as we wait, but maybe someone else is in a waiting season. I mean, who isn't waiting for something? And maybe some of you are grieving something as well. This has been a strange time in our life. We have so much to learn about waiting well, and honoring God in all we think and do! But that is truly our desire.
I hope to give a good news update very soon on Ella's visa. Will you continue to pray with us?
We have been in a period of waiting. Who likes waiting? Not me! This is not the way I wanted this thing to go down. But God is truly sanctifying us during this time of waiting for Ella to come home. I pray we look more like Christ because of it.
A friend and elder at our church wrote an article several months back about waiting well. They were waiting for their baby to come home, in the painful waiting period of their adoption process. I was so glad my friend Lindsay sent me that article to read this week. Her husband Kyle wrote, quite articulately, about what it meant to wait well.
This was a good jumping off place for me this week in my time with the Lord and journaling. I decided to share my own thoughts of what God has shown me concerning waiting well, and how I’ve failed to do so at times.
Here are my five points, inspired by my friends, in what it means for us to wait well right now:
1. Waiting with truth. We need to be meditating on scripture, on God’s goodness, His nearness, and His love for us during this time. I also have put on scripture that reminds me that God can be trusted, and that our hope is in Him, not in man. The passage I’ve clung to the most is from Psalm 33.
“We wait in hope for the Lord;
He is our help and our shield.
In Him our hearts rejoice,
For we trust in His holy name.
May your unfailing love rest upon us,
O Lord, even as we put our hope in You!”
2. As I wait, I need to be making the most of the waiting days I'm given. This means being productive, present with my husband and children and the people around me, not just living for the future. I need to take advantage of the days of preparation this allows me. I found this very difficult at first. Moving on with our life as normal without our daughter felt wrong and painful. Our life is not normal. We did not just go on vacation to Ghana and come back the same. God did the amazing thing He does with adoption, where He takes our hearts and knits them together with a child that does not look like us, does not share our DNA, does not share much at all in common, come to think of it! But in two weeks time (and this is a bonding process that can vary in time for every family, every adoption, but the end result is the same), we gained a daughter that we love like we love our other children. Something drastic happened to our family. And it was invisible to everyone who saw us because we did not bring her home with us. God had to force me to get up and move and be present in my life during this waiting period and grief I felt in leaving her behind. I think this is true for many people who are grieving, period. We have had a summer filled with grief. Just to recap this summer, we lost Rusty's Mom, and 10 days later, lost my grandfather. A few days after the funeral, we left for Ghana and started the emotional roller coaster of our adoption. It's been intense! And everywhere we turn, we feel grief. But people who have grieved much more tragic losses than ours can tell you, we have to move on. I need to take each day of this waiting period as the gift it is, and live the precious life He's given me.
3. Waiting in prayer. I'm going to be honest. Sometimes it's easier to seek distraction rather than focus on prayer. Don't get me wrong, I think distraction has it's place in seasons like this, but my focus need to remain. Prayer. It's all we have. Pleading to the God of the universe that holds all things in His hands. He is good and hears our prayers.
4. Waiting in community. Even when clinging to the truths about God and being in prayer, pain exists. Real pain. It's tempting when you are feeling pain to want to crawl inside a shell and hide from people and community. I have had to force myself at times to be with people and to be real with people. I have found myself gravitating toward the people I feel freedom to be the most real with. Being in community in these times can be challenging, but the alternative is withdrawal from community, and isolation. I believe isolation is exactly where the Enemy wants every one of us. That is where he does his best work. The truth is, I need people in my life I can hurt with, be honest with, cry with, and live this life with. This is the Body of Christ. This is what I need desperately.
5. Waiting with perspective. Grief, pain, loss, and waiting can be consuming. It tends to be the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning, and the last thing when you go to sleep. It can fill your thoughts every minute in between if you let it and your dreams at night. But I need my thoughts to be outward, remembering others who are hurting, some in far more severe situations, and some in far less. I need to force myself to draw my thoughts and attention to others and always to Christ. Thinking about myself and my emotions 24/7 is not the answer. Isn't honesty lovely?
I know these are just my thoughts as we wait, but maybe someone else is in a waiting season. I mean, who isn't waiting for something? And maybe some of you are grieving something as well. This has been a strange time in our life. We have so much to learn about waiting well, and honoring God in all we think and do! But that is truly our desire.
I hope to give a good news update very soon on Ella's visa. Will you continue to pray with us?
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Waiting on a visa
So, I know I've neglected to update here, as I promised I would.
Do you ever feel too sad to go public with all your emotions and tell cyberspace exactly how you're feeling?
That's been a lot of this summer, and I chose this time to revive my blog. Ironic.
But I know it's time to update so many who are praying for our Ella to come home, and ask you to pray specifically.
Obviously, we left our Ella in Ghana.
That was one of the hardest things we've ever done, to sum it up simply.
We tried to explain governmental bureaucracy to an eight-year-old for two days, explained where she would be going after we left...in ASL/ Ghanaian signs...but our explanations fell flat.
She didn't understand, and we don't understand it really either.
Our experiences with the U.S. Embassy have not been all pleasant. That was disappointing.
Everything I knew about U.S. Embassies was on the movies. Like everything else in movies, it's not quite the same.
We brought our little girl to the airport. She and I both had started crying about two hours before the airport.
I held her and cried with her right up to the very last minute.
I would sign things to her like "You know we love you, right?" She would shrug.
I would sign, "when you come to America, we will celebrate! We will have a party! I don't know when it will be, but we will be waiting for you!"
She would shrug.
She didn't know those things. She doesn't have a context for parental faithfulness. She doesn't really know if we're people of our word.
Right now, she waits at her school, in the care of her headmaster, but I don't know how she's feeling. I don't know if she expects us to come for her at all? Has she written us off yet?
I pray she hasn't.
I am praying that God would whisper in her ear, "They're coming back for you. They're coming. Just wait."
We are waiting too.
It felt completely wrong to come home and move on with life as usual.
It was wonderful to wrap our arms around our four little ones here at home! Wow! We missed those kids!
However, jet lagged parents should not be allowed to parent unsupervised upon arrival.
We were completely unfit parents! Rusty came down with a fever in the first hour we were home.
We both had felt sick, but I thought it was just that youth group lock-in feeling from "sleeping" on an airplane, traveling for 24 hours, and eating the airplane snacks and what was left in my disghusting backpack.
But when I saw Rusty with fever and ASLEEP when we arrived, I knew we were in trouble.
I thought for sure he'd brought the souvenir of MALARIA home with us.
He ached, had a headache, chills and fever. You know what that's called in Africa? Malaria.
But thank the Lord, his fever came down, and he assured me it was some other virus. Still a virus picked up in Africa. Not very comforting.
Rusty has since recovered, thank you dear Lord.
We have spent time with our attention starved children.
The giant pile of LIFE waiting for me has been waded through and sorted into piles, some of it accomplished.
Life is moving on in this house with our four children.
BUT WE HAVE FIVE. We have five children. One is missing. We left her on another continent across the ocean.
We are awaiting her visa, and then Rusty will be on a plane to go get her!
We don't have a way to communicate with her, so pray with us that she knows we are coming for her.
But we don't know when.
Let me try to break this down as best I know how.
There are two main parts to getting our little girl a visa.
The first falls under the Department of Homeland Security. They can take up to 60 business days to review her file. Yes friends, that is about three months.
They can interview all of her birth family, and anyone else they want. It would be about a 10 hour trip, a long bus ride, to get them from their village to Accra and the Embassy. But it happens all the time.
We have a great praise to report, in that we received our approval from the DHS on Friday!!! I sat shocked with my coffee and hardly awake at my computer Friday morning! There it was. I read it, reread it, and then called Rusty! Wow! It only took 8 business days! Praise the Lord!!!
Next, we have the Consular Dept. They should contact us soon and tell us what we need to do and when we can come for her exit visa interview.
We have heard of people getting appts. within two weeks, or two months. There's no way for us to know when.
We hope to hear from them soon!
Please pray with us for an appt. very soon, and for Rusty to be able to go and get our little girl and bring her home!!!
Friends and Family, you have no idea what is about to hit you! This girl is one BIG personality! I'm ready to introduce our world to Emmanuella Bacak.
I'm ready for her to come home!
Friday, July 29, 2011
Finally...a post from Ghana
Akwaaba. We’ve heard that word many times since coming to Ghana. It means welcome. The people of Ghana are very welcoming, and so hospitable.
They are a beautiful people! I think the women are striking, and the children…they are the images I will always keep with me.
The women are really remarkable because they are all either wearing a baby on their back or carrying a large load of something on their heads. Or both. What are we doing with all these expensive and bulky strollers in America? Why don’t we just strap a baby on our back and go? We must seem so silly to them! I can hardly believe the loads the women can effortlessly balance on their heads. I saw a woman carrying a huge TV on her head yesterday! But mostly they are carrying what they are selling, or transporting some kind of goods.
I think I’m getting used to the use of the car horn here. Everyone is using theirs, constantly, but it’s really a form of courtesy, actually. It says, “here I come, watch out!” It keeps people in the road from getting hit. It let’s drivers know you need in, or need to turn. Or it may just be telling someone to get out of the way.
We are for sure on Africa Time. Things move at their own pace. When you visit someone, you sit, you tell them your “whole story”, and you stay a while. You enjoy their hospitality, and you say a long goodbye. There’s no “dropping by” or a “quick stop”. Some sound advice people gave me before coming was to slow down, remember TIA. This is Africa. That was good advice. I have thought TIA many, many times.
The people here are educated in English. But only the highly educated are proficient in English. Almost everyone we’ve met speaks Twi, or a dialect of it. The signs are mostly in English, so you would think everyone speaks English, but they do not.
We have felt like freakin’ Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie everywhere we go in the villages! We are rock stars! I am guessing many of these children have never seen white folks. So the children come from far and near to see us. They are so polite, and once I smile at them, they always smile back! What would we do without the magic of the iPhone to entertain the crowds of children? They can’t believe their eyes when they see a picture of themselves! And a video…that blows them away!
Ella. Our Emmanuella. This has been a traumatic week for her, saying goodbye to her family. There are so many ways to describe this girl. Dramatic. She’s a drama mama! Hilarious! Boisterous! Playful. Bossy. I think wherever she goes, she’s running the show. Natural born leader. Smart. She has the potential to do and be something great, by God’s grace! Stubborn. I’m sure that will transfer into determined! She is something else. I just can’t wait for you to meet her. Her laughter fills a room.
As Ella was feeling such deep grief in separating from her birth family, I was grieving with her. I held her close and cried with her. I felt like “What have we done!? We have just come here and wrecked this girl’s life!”
But yesterday, we visited her village and her family’s home. I am thankful for that insight. I needed the peace it gave me. There is no hope for a future for Ella here. For children whose family can’t afford school tuition, the children end up working at a young age. Some children end up in slave labor, like the children working in the fishing trade that Mercy Project is working to save. Slave traders come around to the villages and offer the parents to give their child a job. They say they will take them to work on farms or fishing, and their child will bring back money. This seems like a great opportunity! But they lie. And the parents never see their children again. The children are badly mistreated and overworked. Other children end up begging on the streets. But the lucky children get paying jobs. They are very low paying, but they can be street vendors, or work on a farm. But Ella can’t be a street vendor. She can’t communicate, and you must be able to communicate with hearing people to be a street vendor of any kind. She wouldn’t get a job like the other children. Without school, there is no hope. No trade, no ability to work. I asked our guide Peter where she would end up? His answer to me was graphic. Deaf children here must go to the school for the deaf. But it’s expensive. It’s a residential school, and it is more than her family can do. There are so many children in their home! It’s hard to tell who belongs to who. They all belong to each other it seems. Some children were orphaned when Ella’s aunt died, and so those children now belong to Ella’s Mom. There are children everywhere, and they all need schooling, which costs money. They can’t support them all. I don’t know if they can feed them all. They sleep in a small enclosure the size of my closet. They cook their food on an open fire in the open area you can see in our photos. Their bathroom is a squatting dump on the outskirts of the village. The living conditions are poor like I’ve never seen before. They had Peter, our guide and director of ACEF, African Children Education Fund, take pictures of some of the children, hoping he can find support or hope for these kids also. Those pictures you see on websites, like Compassion or ACEF, I watched them take the photos. It seemed surreal. But I want you to know, there is love and laughter in this home. So much laughter! I find Ghanaian people quick to laugh! There is real family.
They love Ella so much! They were gesturing for her to go, and to go to school. That’s what they want for her. That’s her only hope. Nothing good awaits a deaf adult with no trade school or training of any kind. Nothing good. Even with schooling and a trade, many of them will not get far. No one in Ella’s family can communicate with her. There are no signing classes for parents of deaf children, like we have in America. Many parents in America don’t even take advantage of it, but it’s available. So her discipline has been minimal. But her family loves her, and they want hope for her. They want a future for her.
Birth mothers always amaze me, because they put their own desires to have their children close to them aside for their children’s good. It is the most selfless move any mother can make. Ella’s Mom gave me her baby. She only wanted to know if we would bring her back to Ghana someday. It is our hope to do so.
I would like to write a post soon about the Ashan's Children home orphanage. It was a place I'll not forget, and they are in desperate need of funding to stay open. I am praying God would do something to save the 65 beautiful orphans living there.
Funny things I've learned in Ghana:
-I can hold it when I have to go to the bathroom so much longer than I thought!
-Carrying tissues for personal toilet paper was a brilliant travel tip I received!
-I have learned how many people you can squeeze into a tiny sedan. I had no idea!
-I have gone to the school of traffic and driving in Ghana. Wow! We have spent most of our time here in a car. We haven't necessarily traveled many miles, but it takes many hours. We have had an excellent driver who I have great respect for! It takes some serious driving skills!
-Best sign I've seen so far: "Have fun, but think about AIDS".
-The children just call out to us in Twi "white person!" I think that's funny.
-We went to the zoo in Kumasi and they had a highly venomous python in a tiny cage with chicken wire around it. I didn't get too close.
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