Happy Birthday Emma!

I know I need to update my blog...Ella's been home for exactly one week, and I so appreciate all of you who have been praying for our transition.
However, there's hardly time to shower, much less blog, I feel like. (Can I hear an AMEN!?)
But today, I need to pause this craziness in our life and celebrate my baby girl...my very first baby girl...Emma.
I am so thankful for this child. God has poured out his grace and goodness on her and made her His own!
She is a daughter of the King!
She loves God's Word, and many mornings snuggles next to me while with her own Bible, her own reading plan she has come up with.
The massive change that this adoption has heaped on her life could turn her inside out, but she has been steadfast this week.
Not unshaken. We've all been a bit shaky.
But she's leaning on the Lord with us and been adaptable when she probably didn't feel like being adaptable.
She loves us with all her might.
She reads like I always longed for my child to read.
(She got a Kindle for her birthday today, and has already downloaded "Pride and Prejudice" and "Great Expectations". I love it!)
She can run on all fours like a horse freakishly fast (when she doesn't have a broken arm). That's uniquely Em.
She loves to ride. She was born in love with horses somehow. She has taught me to love horses.
She actually teaches me all the time. I'm not sure who's homeschooling who?
She has her moments and struggles...because, duh! We all do!
But I adore my first baby, my sweet Emma Michal!
When she made her long awaited entrance, we had no idea what motherhood and fatherhood would really feel like.
I remember the amazing revelation of not only how much my parents must love me, but how deep the Father's love for us is.
We love you, Em. We have always, and will always, LOVE YOU!

Happy 5th Birthday Justus!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Do you just feel like the Bacak birthdays never stop coming in the summer? It's because they don't.
Now it's Justus' turn. Our adorable brown baby is turning FIVE!
You gotta admit, this kid is handsome. I can say that because he didn't get it from me. You can see his birthmom, Kathleen, in one of the pictures. He obviously gets it from her! She's beautiful!
He can be a real charmer. He says to me regularly, "Mom, you're so bootiful" which I love, of course, but I find it's usually when he's doing something sneaky or wrong and he's trying to distract me from it.
He's good.
Our boy is wicked smart. He's been doing the older kids' work for years, only when he thinks answering Jax's question will thoroughly annoy him (and it does!) and for no other reason! We can't wait to see how God is going to use Justus' gifts and talents for Him! (Yes, someday He will use all this for good and not evil!)
Justus loves to snuggle at night, which I am trying to hold on to with my boys as long as possible! He can be the sweetest big brother to his "buddy" Treston you've ever seen. And he is absolutely the wittiest five-year-old I know. He's always had a quick-witted response, far beyond his years, that keeps us in stitches around here.
We are overwhelmed with gratitude to the Lord for his birthmom, Kathleen, giving us the greatest gift a human can give. We hold fast to God's purposes in that, and feel blessed to be Justus' parents.
Happy birthday sweet boy!

Happy Birthday Rusty!

My sweet husband wanted to skip his birthday.
They are getting less fun, you know, the older we get.
But there's no skipping birthdays in the Bacak house!
Oh no! There is cake, and dance parties, and presents.
We celebrated early because I am in Las Vegas on his birthday with Justus and my Mom
visiting Justus' birthmom Kathleen.
This was sadly, the only date my Mom could go with us.
But here are pics from the party we had already.
The boys made confetti out of construction paper (hopefully not the new pack I bought for our school year) and threw it everywhere for the dance party.
There is nothing better than watching all four of your very different kids bust their moves. Emma was river dancing, Jax was break-dancing (which we decided is somehow instinctive in all boys. Don't know where they would pick that up- they just do it!) and Justus and Treston hopefully are retaining some sort of non-white rhythym that God gifts them with. Rusty is convinced that this house full of white people is sucking them dry of rhythm, but I disagree.
Also, I made a cake.
I am very critical of my cakes, to the point of driving my husband crazy.
If there is something to do wrong with a cake, I've done it. I've learned the hard way. This cake was good but not the best cake, but the very best icing I've ever made. It was my cream cheese icing with real strawberries cut up in it. Divine! The real problem with the cake, however, was that it was three layers, and it leaned very definitively to one side. Not the prettiest shaped cake, but it was good. My husband asked for a strawberry cake, and I made a cake with real strawberries in the batter and the icing. I like that. I intend to make small improvements and develop it into the best cake ever.
But as for my husband's birthday- there's no way we could NOT celebrate this man.
I adore the day he was born, because I adore him so.
He is way more than I deserve, and consistently loving to all of us.
One of my favorite things about him: The kids and I never wonder if he loves us or approves of us. He is so affirming. Did you read the blogpost he wrote about me on our anniversary? Ridiculously flattering to me, and just an example of the way he loves us.
I am thankful for his life and all God has done in him.
Happy Birthday, love! I'll be home soon.

The Story of Jax

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Jax was born on June 19th, 2002. Emma was less than two years old and my surprise baby had been persistently giving me pre-term contractions that were concerning to both us and my doctor. For six weeks I had been sitting on our couch on "bedrest" (which basically means I was on house arrest with a rambunxious Emma toddler) ballooning out, puffy and swollen, hooked up to an IV giving me some sort of speed that slowed my contractions but made me jittery, irritable, and super-tired of being pregnant. At 37 weeks I was taken off the IV drugs and my Doctor allowed me to contract away.
And I did.
But he still didn't come.
So, ironically, I was induced. Mostly because I'd had a hellacious marathon labor with Emma. We thought that girl would never come out.
So on this night, seven years ago, I had that panicked feeling.
Some of you know what I'm talking about...I'd been wishing for this baby to GET OUT for weeks and weeks, and suddenly, I was hours away and I was telling God "I'm not ready! How can I be ready?" I was so worried about how little Emma would respond. I was sort of mourning our last few hours with just one child, as strange as that sounds to me now. And most of all, I was fearing the great, big change that was upon us.
It turned out to be one of the best "changes" of my entire life. But I was afraid. I snuggled with Emma, who was still furiously trying to bump her way back into my lap that had vanished into thin air one day, knowing my bag was packed and my Mom was there. Everything was in place for us to be at the hospital early the next morning, but I was terrified and just cried. 60% due to hormones, and 40% due to legitimate fear.
The next morning my Mom, Rusty, and I headed to the hospital. We did the check-in and regular inducement thing, and then waited. I just waited for those pitocin contractions to get started.
I didn't have much of a birth plan. I found out with Emma that plans seem to be futile in the world of pregnancy and child birth. Not one smidget of either one was what I had expected. So I just planned to be unplanned.
My contractions got good and going by 10am, when the Price Is Right was on, and I got to work.
For some crazy reason, all sense of reason left me, and I decided not to get an epideural in there somewhere. Actually, I don't remember making that decision, I just failed to make any decision. I wanted to see how super-heroish I could be during child birth. People had talked up natural childbirth like it was far superior in comparison to people who get the sweet relief of paralysis and numbness, and since Emma's birth was such a nightmare, I guess I wanted to see how far I could go and if it was really so great.
I don't remember really exploring these thoughts, thinking them through, or discussing them with Rusty beforehand. Maybe I did and I just don't remember.
All I know is I was at an 8 and it was too late.
I visited a planet of pain I'd never known. It truly is another planet.
It's hard to describe or even revisit mentally.
But at no other time in your life do you make "those sounds."
I remember earlier in the morning hearing a woman laboring loudly next door to me and thinking "what in the world is that sound? Is that human? Is there a whale giving birth next door? And am I going to sound like that???"
I was sure I would not, but sure enough, those bizarre, birthing sounds started coming out of me.
I would have given anything to get to a 10. Anything!
I was stuck at a 9, and my Mother being the brilliant birthing coach that she is (truly, that's one of her real jobs and gifts in life) moved me to a different position and magically got me to a 10.
I pushed with Emma for an hour, (rather pleasantly of course. Paralysis. Numbness. I would pay for one of those right now, I think). Turns out that pushing goes a heck of a lot faster if you can feel it.
So 10-15 minutes tops, and we got that beautiful boy out!
*(Just in case you're wondering, my recovery and birthing experience did not personally feel enhanced by the natural nature of it. In fact, I felt more out of it than with the epidural because I was visiting that alternate planet of pain.
But somewhere deep down, I felt proud of myself. And a little crazy. But proud that I had done it. I have only given birth two times, so getting to experience both ways was kind of cool.)
At 1:31pm, Jaxson Steele Bacak arrived. He was incredibly lovable from the start.
He has been pure joy to us. He is one of the most amiable personalities I know. He is rarely upset, always looking for a good time, and usually ready to supply it.
He is pure entertainment around here. He lights up our house.
He's pretty much happy from the moment he wakes up until he goes to bed at night.
He loves the Lord and His Word.
He is learning to be more and more obedient, respectful, and helpful.
We feel incredibly blessed to have had Jax everyday of these seven years.
Happy Birthday Jax!

It's my fake birthday cake

Today is my fake birthday.
I have a real birthday. It's on Saturday. But we will be driving all day and I will just be honest...I'd be feeling sorry for myself having a birthday in the car in my mini-van, handing out snack bags, and listening to one more annoying kids movie.
So we made today my fake birthday! I'm enjoying it very much! I had lunch today with some ladies I love very much at one of my favorite spots, Frittella.
And sweet Jeanna made me my birthday cake already!
I usually have an amazing Carrot Cake that takes about forever to make and produces a sink full of dirty dishes. It's a homemade carrot cake with a buttermilk glaze and cream cheese frosting. It's three seperate recipes from Southern Living. My very own husband who loves and adores me has made this cake for me more than once before anyone reading this blog was even awake. He's so amazing! (He also knows one of my primary love languages is food. The other is service. That combines those two and makes me feel like the most loved woman alive.) But I asked him not to go through the trouble this week. I think it's just evil of me to prefer this cake.
So I am including the recipe for a pound cake that came in as pinch hitter birthday cake this year. Fake birthday that is.
So this is my fake birthday cake. This recipe comes from Ashley Garratt, and I tried it because the name is "Grocery Store Gossip Pound Cake."
I really like good names of recipes, and that was a unique one!
Here it is. It's so easy! You might have these ingredients waiting for you in the kitchen right now!

1 box butter cake mix
1/2 cup sugar
3/4 cup oil
5 eggs
8 oz. sour cream

Mix all ingredients together and pour into a bundt pan. Bake at 350 until brown, about 50 min. - 1 hour.

Tonight I am putting strawberries with it.
Why? Because it's my fake birthday.

Happy Birthday Justus!!!

Our Little Bear is 3! Wow! We had a fun "woo-woo-woo" celebration this weekend, visited the fire station (No. 1-they are awesome over there) and had the coolest firetruck cake in the history of little boys who love firetrucks, made by Erin Whitley at Sweet Memories. Awesome! Erin, you're a super star!

Kathleen, Justus' birthmom came to visit! We fly her here from Las Vegas, her home, to be with us for his birthday. It was a WONDERFUL visit with Kathleen, and I had the chance to have many conversations with her about the Lord. Please pray for her as she searches for Truth. Pray for God to make his Son's name known to her everywhere she looks. She is looking for a "sign" for the right religion. I told her we are standing in front of her holding up a billboard sign with the name Jesus on it. We love Kathleen, and are enjoying a closer and more intimate relationship with her. Our adoption has been busted wide-open now that she has been to our home. It feels good to me. I love this woman so much!

It was sweet for me, watching them together. I was overcome with emotion on Sunday night after she left. She is not an emotional person, but I could see on her face what she was feeling when she left, and I felt it for her. I watched Justus stand on the driveway and wave goodbye to her until she was out of sight. She knows she won't see him for another year. As she was leaving, she was telling me what she knew I needed to hear...what a great decision she made for him...how well he's doing...how she saw God's hand in this...how thankful she was for us. Again, this woman is thinking of Justus and us, and not her. This overwhelms me! I know Christ, and I'm still not that selfless!
There is an undeniable connection between them. There should be. I hope there always will be. I am his real Mom, no doubts about that. I am the one who holds him, bathes him, laughs with him, and spanks him. But she has a place in his life as Kathleen, his birthmom. It was neat that he knew who she was this year when she came. That thrilled her!

The Ambulance Bed:

So here is Super-Dad! He is building an ambulance bed to go in Justus' fire house room. It's awesome! It will be a bunk bed, so Treston can share a room with him when he gets a little older. It has a trap door that you can lift up and crawl in. Could that be any cooler? Justus talks about this all the time, he's so excited! Super-Dad wanted it to be finished today, so he woke up at 4am and started painting. Yes, it's dark in this picture, not because it's night, but because it's morning. I love my husband!!!

The end result is going to be spectacular! Can't wait!
Happy Birthday Justus! We love you so much!!!

Happy Birthday T-Bear!

This week is all about Treston!
A year ago thursday, our little T-Bear was born.
That boggles my mind, because a year ago we didn't know he existed. We were swimming and vacationing, eating sno-cones and ice cream, completely oblivious to the fact that the fourth Bacak child was coming into the world.
Our baby was born and we didn't know.
It wasn't until the week of Thanksgiving, four months later, that we got the call from New Life.
It started here...

After we told New Life YES, we got this picture from Treston's foster Mom, Lesa.
I remember, we were eating lunch, and got the e-mail, and just stood there in awe, both of us repeating "He's so beautiful!!!"
A piece of this story that I don't think I've shared is that a new standard had been passed for adoption agencies in Texas ruling that a family could not adopt from an agency where a relative is employed. Which means, because my Mom works for New Life, we would never be able to adopt from New Life again, come Jan. 1, 2007.
That effectively would shut the door for us for baby #4.
We got Treston on December 6, 2006.
Thank you God, for opening the door and bringing us our baby.

Treston had been in New Life foster care with an experienced and very loving foster family. They have a special love for Treston, and took amazing care of him during those months.
Treston has been with us as a foster-to-adopt baby for almost 8 months. He is not legally a Bacak yet, so we still need your prayers.
But we are certain that God planned for Treston to be in our family before time began, and has once again lavished his love on us by giving him to us.
He doesn't look like me, and he doesn't have my genes (which is fine with me...my DNA is not so superior.) But he is bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh. God creates family, not genetics. This sweet baby was born to me a year ago, before I even knew him.
I grieve the months I lost with him. I grieve that I did not carry him in my own warm and safe womb. But I am mostly filled with joy as I look forward to growing him up to love and serve the Lord within the warm and safe cocoon of this family.
Look at this beatiful boy!!!



So this week is all about Treston! We are celebrating Treston like crazy this first birthday. I hope the adoption celebration will follow closely behind, and it will be sweet!
Happy Birthday my beautiful boy. You have filled a hole in this family we didn't know was there. Your smile, your laughter, even your cry make this home what it should be. Emma, Jax, Justus, your Daddy, and I adore and love you.