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Monday, February 26, 2007

Nursery Rhymes...educational or psychotic?

Ladybug, Ladybug, fly away home,
your house is on fire and your children are gone.

Jack Sprat, could eat no fat
his wife could eat no lean
and so between the two of them
they licked the platter clean.
(or as Emma says, the "splatter.")

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
She had so many children she didn't know what to do
She fed them some broth without any bread
Then whipped them all soundly and sent them to bed.

Does anyone else find these bizarre? We all learned them as kids, and think them to be whimsical, but as I've been teaching them this year as a part of the standard Kindergarten curriculum, I'm wondering what the heck is wrong with us? "Your house is on fire and your children are gone"? What child would not be disturbed by this! And then there's the old woman, who beats her kids for no darn good reason. Child abuse is not whimsical. It's just not.

Friday, February 23, 2007

What a let-down...

Pop-Secret's cheddar cheese popcorn...don't bother.
It sounded like such a good idea...to me, and Justus.
I was let down.
So were the kids.
Popcorn is Justus' obsession, so we were branching out, but don't branch out with your precious H-E-B money on this one.
Just thought you should know.

Monday, February 19, 2007

The Amazing Race is back!!!

Race fans, did you set your DVR's last night? (And when I say "race fans" I am NOT referring in any way to Nascar.) Amazing Race is back!!! I've been waiting anxiously.
Isn't Phil great? Don't you love the way he talks? Did you hear him say "hooves" last night? Hilarious. He sounds so smart all the time. And he knows everything about everybody...you know, like when they get to the mat, he says "So, you've had some trouble getting along this leg of the race?" It's like he sees all and knows all in the race!!!
And this race is the All-Stars. It's going to be great.
Every time I watch it, I think about if I went on Amazing Race, who would I team up with?
There are a few options.

#1- My husband, obviously. I think we'd be excellent race partners. We work well together, and we'd both train hard and be in excellent shape. I think we'd go far. But we would NEVER do it because I hate seeing these parental teams who leave their children behind!!! It makes me so sad! Like David and Mary from Kentucky who were just on this last season are back in it for the All-Stars. You know their kids are like 'AGAIN!!!???' I think it's so sad that people leave their kids for 6 weeks, or however long it is, to win money. So we would never do that. In fact, I would never leave my kids for that long, even by myself. I can hardly leave them for a weekend. (We never do!) But for the sake of this post, let's just pretend I did.

#2-My brother Chris. My brother has a way of accomplishing things by working people and situations like no one I've ever known. Somehow, we would find the best flights, the best taxis, the sneaky tricks, and we would win! But I would get tired of him telling me what to do eventually, and probably tired of him being right about stuff, and we would have one of those entertaining blow-outs. I think I could run faster than him though, and that would be fun.

#3-My friend Heather. We would be an entertaining team to watch. People would enjoy the banter, like they do on Gilmore Girls. We would be fun! But Heather won't even do the little zip line in her own backyard, so we would eventually lose due to her aversion to risking her life. Oh, and her aversion to running. Neither of us would be able to read a map, so we'd be lost a lot. But we would have fun while it lasted.

I love this show, though! I will never be on it, but it's fun to imagine! Who would you team up with, I want to know!

Monday, February 12, 2007

What would life be like if you had a personal assistant?

Think about it.
What if you had a personal assistant to do all those little things that you just can't seem to squeeze in everyday.
I think about it. I don't think Business Executives should get personal assistants, I think Stay-at-home Moms should have them! That's right! We've got it all backwards. I think I would name mine Shirley. See Shirley's picture? She's good at everything. She's here a lot, so she's NOT too attractive, but has the telepathic ability to anticipate my needs, like Radar did for Colonel Potter.
My life would be so different!
For example:
-I wouldn't go three months past the suggested date to get the oil change on my car.
-My refrigerator would be cleaned out long before it reaches that disghusting mystery smell stage.
-Our broken lamp would get a new lamp shade put on it, instead of the broken one remaining forever and it falling down at the most innoportune moments.
-Prescriptions would be picked up on time.
-I would actually go to the doctor or dentist when needed.
-Our printer would never run out of ink.
-Pictures would be printed, scrapbooking would be updated, letters would be sent.
-We would never get a notice that says our power could be turned off soon.
-I would have new shampoo; the good kind from the mall. (The mall is too daunting a place with four kids, but it's not a problem for Shirley.)
-Patches would be sewn onto my kids Awana's vests securely, instead of patches hanging by a thread and screaming to everyone "My Mom stinks at sewing!"
-Closets would be organized.
-Cleaning out seasons of clothes, storing them in their storage bins, and replacing them with new, season-appropriate clothes would be a breeze. Love that Shirley.
-Best of all...there would be absolutely NO CLUTTER in my house. Not one out-of-place stack of anything. That's Shirley's forte. De-cluttering.

What would your life be like with a Shirley?

Monday, February 05, 2007

What if the super-famous were radically saved?

Do you ever wonder what it would be like if famous people came to know Jesus? I do. All the time. I've made a short list of some of the people I would like to first come to the Lord...some because I like them. And some because of the powerful influence it would have. Just for fun...

Oprah. Because the world hangs on her every word. She speaks with the most authority of all people in our day and age. If she ran for president right now, she would win. She instructs people how to live and they follow. If only she knew how to live- it would be awesome!

Gwynneth Paltrow. Pretty much because she's my favorite actress and
I like her.

Rosie. I used to watch her show, before I had a hundred kids and I actually saw daytime television. I loved her! She does some amazing things. She is very outspoken. (For some of the worst things.) I think she's friends with most of Hollywood. Think of the impact she could have!

Reese Witherspoon. Pretty much because I like her too, and once she knows

Jesus we can become best friends. She can come over...with her oscar and
everything, and we can hang out. She and I will have so much fun. Maybe
I'll invite you over to meet her. We'll see.

Madonna. Despite her heinous career, she is doing some amazing things in
Africa right now. Also, I found myself defending Madonna during her recent
adoption scandal. That was the stupidest thing ever! I'm sure people would
think if Madonna can be saved, then anyone can! (and anyone can, so that'd
be good.)

Lastly, Jon Stewart. He's stinkin' hilarious, but as lost as a duck in a desert.
People will always be captivated by humor. I think people view Christians as
so UNfunny. Jon could change all that.

That's my list. There are so many more. But I want to hear yours. What famous people would you most like to see saved?