Happy 5th Birthday Justus!

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Do you just feel like the Bacak birthdays never stop coming in the summer? It's because they don't.
Now it's Justus' turn. Our adorable brown baby is turning FIVE!
You gotta admit, this kid is handsome. I can say that because he didn't get it from me. You can see his birthmom, Kathleen, in one of the pictures. He obviously gets it from her! She's beautiful!
He can be a real charmer. He says to me regularly, "Mom, you're so bootiful" which I love, of course, but I find it's usually when he's doing something sneaky or wrong and he's trying to distract me from it.
He's good.
Our boy is wicked smart. He's been doing the older kids' work for years, only when he thinks answering Jax's question will thoroughly annoy him (and it does!) and for no other reason! We can't wait to see how God is going to use Justus' gifts and talents for Him! (Yes, someday He will use all this for good and not evil!)
Justus loves to snuggle at night, which I am trying to hold on to with my boys as long as possible! He can be the sweetest big brother to his "buddy" Treston you've ever seen. And he is absolutely the wittiest five-year-old I know. He's always had a quick-witted response, far beyond his years, that keeps us in stitches around here.
We are overwhelmed with gratitude to the Lord for his birthmom, Kathleen, giving us the greatest gift a human can give. We hold fast to God's purposes in that, and feel blessed to be Justus' parents.
Happy birthday sweet boy!

Birth Families

A few months back, we had the chance to meet and connect with some of Justus' birthfamily; his aunt, uncle, and cousins. We had never met them face-to-face before, but had heard a lot about them from Kathleen, Justus' birthmom. They are very close, and I think it meant the world to her for us to finally meet.
They live in Las Vegas, but came to Texas to visit family over Christmas, and made a special trip here to meet Justus. We met at a Chic-Fil-A, and got acquainted.
They were so excited to get to see Justus, hug him, talk to him, and see two little boys, biological first cousins, play like boys in the play area.

Birth families are a blessing. Having a link to their story, another piece of the puzzle to who they are, is so good for my boys! Justus has the same nose as them, which is precious! His nose is one of my very favorite things about him!
Now let's be honest, not every piece of their puzzle is pleasant. I know this. But it's all a part of who they are. Luckily, this was a wonderful piece of Justus' story, and we were so lucky to get this afternoon with them.

New Life does a good job of encouraging connection with birth families. They facilitate visits with all of us, which is unbelievable for three women to do with all the families they place with. That adds up! There are just so many hours in a day, for goodness sake! But they also plan the Kinship Picnic, which is coming up in March. This is a very natural, easy place where birth families and adoptive families meet up at a park near New Life and the kids play...the adults chit-chat...we eat fried chicken...and life is normal. At least almost. This is brilliant, if you ask me!
Also know, that some birth family members may not be healthy enough or making good choices and we may choose not to meet with them when it's not in the best interest of our kids to do so. We are not blind and foolish. We wouldn't put our kids at risk for any reason! This is all about them, and about sharing Jesus with their families! But there are extreme circumstances where we may choose not to visit if we feel it is unsafe.

For the most part, so much good comes from these connections with birth families. The Gospel is shared. People are saved. Sometimes, a birth family member sees a healthy family up-close for the first time in their lives. A birthparent whose heart is aching to see her little one slide down the slide and play with their siblings has that chance. I am excited about meeting up with some of Treston's birth family at the Kinship picnic. (Pictures will follow.) God has been good to bless us with birth family members for both our boys. HIs purposes in adoption are many!

Birthmoms: What NOT to ask?

Every child that has been adopted has a story.

It starts with his birthparents. (It actually starts with God's perfect plan for their lives since before time began, but you know what I mean!)

Birthparents are a very real, personal part of who my boys are.

We love them and pray for them daily. We keep in touch with them, and have relationships with them. They will always be a part of our lives.

If you walk into our house, you will see a picture of Justus and Kathleen framed on our bar along with our other family photos. It's funny, because lately when new people come over, Justus goes straight for that picture and shows it to people. He knows she is super important. He never forgets her. He prays for her. He loves her. We await our visit with her on his birthday each year with anticipation.

Kathleen placed Justus with us when he was born, and we've been building this kind of relationship with her ever since.

Treston's story is a little different because we fostered him first, and are now slowly trying to build a relationship with his birthparents.

Here's what I want you all to know...

We love sharing the joys of open adoption with everyone! It's a blessing to us, and we want everyone to know what a joy it is to love birthparents and we feel this is the most biblical and beneficial way to do adoption. I LOVE to talk about adoption!

But when people ask about our birthmoms and want to know "their story" I am always caught off guard.

When you ask "Why did she give him up for adoption?"

I KNOW that you haven't thought through this the way we have. I KNOW that you mean absolutely no harm in the question.

But to this day, I still don't know how to answer this well. If you've asked me this, please know, I'm NOT offended. But I probably did stammer around for a while.

Someone asked me this the other day about the Hendricks' birthmom, (very well-meaning) and I found it easier for some reason to just let them know this is private to them.

It's our children's story to tell, not ours.

New Life does an amazing job of training us in right thinking about adoption, and how to foresee the consequences of what we say and tell now for the future.

When we spill all the details of their story, it can be hurtful to them. They may feel exposed, embarrassed, different.

Every birthmom's story and reasons for making an adoption plan is different. Some are simple. They are textbook, classic Juno type stories.

But most are more complicated than that. Most are messier than that. A lot of them are so hurt and broken inside for various reasons, they know they aren't capable of being the Mom (and sometimes Dad) that they want for their child.

It's not fair for me to spill all the details and hurts that led my child's birthmom to that point in her life.

I don't know how my boys are going to feel about all of it. But I know it's not fair to share it with every person we know in order to satisfy their curiosity.

So here's what you can ask! Ask their names, and how you might pray for them.

I think I can speak for other adoptive Moms I know (Heather and Shannan specifically) that would LOVE for you to pray for our birthmoms! Some of them are lost, and we are desperately praying for their salvation.

Our hearts break for them, and we love them!

So birthmoms are NOT a taboo subject! We talk freely about them daily in our house. We share pictures and stories of our relationships with them. I love to show how Justus looks just like Kathleen, and has some of her traits. I love the way he loves her. I love that she loves all of us. We just keep their private stories, private.

I hope I've communicated this well. Feel free to ask questions about this.

Other adoptive Moms may have totally different thoughts and opinions on this.

Most of this comes straight from the wisdom of the ladies of New Life, our agency, who have been doing this for more than 20 years and have grown children who are adopted.

My Mom is the first to share that she shared too much of my sister's story initially as our church prayed for my sister's adoption, and felt like they payed the consequences for that later.

It's not that we don't trust you with the information, it's really a respect issue to our birthparents and our children.

Thoughts, anyone? Just a little adoption education from the Bacaks. We are open for questions.

Joy and Grief

This is Hudson Isaiah Hendrick. He will come home today. My dear friends, the Hendricks, are adopting for the first time, Hendrick boy #4, and God is bringing them home today! I love this little guy so much already! I need to see more than this one picture!!!

I couldn't be more excited! God has done a beautiful thing, and brought them through one of the most sanctifying experiences of our lives, ADOPTION.

The joy of bringing this baby home will fill our lives and church for some time. There will be much rejoicing. There will be signs, balloons, showers, brand-new genius baby gadgets that have been magically invented since her last baby, birth announcements, proud, show-him-off moments in the sling at church, walking and bouncing, sleeping and snuggling, and as I set up their baby stuff in their house last night, those teeny-tiny newborn diapers just got to me!

Hudson has been pursued, as God pursues us, and brought into the family God always knew He would be in, just as their other children. Let the celebration begin!

However, when you adopt a baby and love him this much, you also fall deeply in love with the woman whose womb he slept peacefully in. You love his birthmom for giving you the hands-down best earthly gift you will ever receive. You love her for her selfless act, that I, even being a believer, think I am still to selfish to make. You love her for all her unique qualities that you will see mirrored in your child.

And there is grief for her today.

Adoption, particularly semi-open adoption as New Life does it (that I so strongly believe in, obviously) is a strange thing. You feel joy, and you feel grief for her at the same time. It's hard to know how to sort through that, where to put all those emotions.

Heather's blog has been eerily quiet this past week, when it normally spills out well-written words faster than I can read them. It may even take her some time to sift through all that's going on inside her and write. It's overwhelming.

Not only do we have two children we have adopted through New Life, and two birthmoms to love, but we have also experienced this from the other side when we housed birthmoms and became what they call a "Shepherding Home" for women who needed a place to stay and give birth. I wrote this article for the New Life newsletter about my life-changing experience from the "other side" a couple of years ago. Read this excerpt from it, and please, please, please pray for Hudson's birthmom and family today, as they desperately miss Hudson and grieve the loss.

Read about our experience with Robin, a birth mom we fell in love with.

*For those of you who don't know about New Life adoption, Hudson will always have contact with his birth family, and they will receive tons of pictures, letters, and will even visit soon. New Life does NOT let you forget your birthmom, or stop loving her for a moment!

The “Other Side”
I am Cindy Seay’s daughter. Her life work of ministering to pregnant women and placing babies for adoption in loving, Christian homes, has permeated my whole family‘s life. After my husband, Rusty, and I had two biological children, we heard a clear call from the Lord to grow our family again through adoption. Working with my Mom in the adoption of our sweet baby boy, Justus, over a year ago was amazing! Getting to see firsthand what New Life means to pregnant women, their families, and to adoptive families touched Rusty and I so much. Rusty, who is a medical doctor, became the medical director for New Life. We wonder how anyone who has experienced the miracle of adoption could remove themselves from this ministry? God’s hand is truly in it.
When my Mom mentioned she was unsuccessfully looking for a Shepherding Home for a pregnant woman, the Holy Spirit whispered in my ear “Why not you?” I had to answer that question, why not me? We have plenty to share, and the scriptures are clear, what we’ve done for those in need, we have done, or NOT done for Christ himself. Rusty and I took a few hours to pray about it. You see, this woman had just been released the day before from the State Jail. This seems like quite a risk to take with three small children in the house. But despite the risk, we felt like God was saying “This is your chance to live your faith, not just talk about it.” So we told my Mom that day that we would take her in. I am so glad we were listening to Him that day! What a life-changing experience this has been for my family! Robin came to live with us almost two months ago, and she has forever changed the lens through which I see life. I have experienced adoption from the “other side”, and every adoptive family should! Robin has become like a member of our family. She has been delivered from her past mistakes by accepting Christ as her Savior. I was able to pray with her for salvation, and spend time in the Word with her almost everyday. I have the privelege of watching her grow in her faith and knowledge of Christ week by week. As a stay-home-Mom, it is ideal. I can’t get out to do many types of ministry outside of the home, but she came to me, where I live in the day-to-day, and by walking together, I am able to minister to her and serve her. I have seen everything through her eyes now, and it has changed me. I was in the birthing room with her, holding her hand, when her beautiful boy Jacob was born. It was a bittersweet moment. What a precious moment, when we lay eyes on the little one who’s been in the warm, hiding place of the womb. But our joy was with quiet tears, knowing that we would only have him for two short days before he joined his sweet family. I empathetically, felt the love and agony of a birth mom in the moment Jacob was born. I also had the joy of announcing his birth to two very proud adoptive parents, and seeing them hold him for the first time with tears in their eyes. I remembered living it from their side, but I was on the “other side” this time, and my heart was full of joy, but heavy at the same time for Robin. I spent those last hours with her holding Jacob for the last time before the placement. I cried with Robin as she signed the papers, and as she handed him to his parents. The finality of it weighed on me, and the peace and sorrow that co-exist in that moment can hardly be described in words. Making an adoption plan for Jacob was undoubtedly the right thing for her to do. Before then, I could only imagine how hard it was. Now I know. I drove her home from the hospital without a baby. We sobbed all the way home. She recovered and needed all the aftercare a woman needs after delivering a baby...but without a baby. There's a constant reminder of what's missing. That’s the reality of adoption from the other side.
My love and respect for our birthmother has only intensified. Some of you may not be sure you want to experience the “other side”. It scares us to feel the emotions of the birthmother too much. I promise you I was scared. But I assure you, as adoptive parents, it will only enrich and deepen the spiritual experience of adoption for you and your family. What New Life has tried to teach us is that you cannot love your child, and not love his/ her birth mother. Having the opportunity to wholeheartedly love and serve Robin has been a gift to our family. She will be staying with us for two more months as she re-builds her life. It is our joy to be used by God to His purpose in her life, and we are humbled by this experience. We have so much to share, and to give. Why not us? Maybe He’s asking you, Why not you?

Becoming a Shepherding Home

This is an article I wrote for the New Life newsletter last fall. (New Life is the pregnancy Crisis Center and adoption agency my Mom works for, and we adopted our son Justus through.) If you are interested in becoming a Shepherding Home for pregnant women, please let us know.

The “Other Side”

I am Cindy Seay’s daughter. Her life work of ministering to pregnant women and placing babies for adoption in loving, Christian homes has permeated my whole family‘s life. After my husband, Rusty, and I had two biological children, we heard a clear call from the Lord to grow our family again through adoption. Working with my Mom in the adoption of our sweet baby boy, Justus, over a year ago was amazing! Getting to see firsthand what New Life means to pregnant women, their families, and to adoptive families touched Rusty and I so much. Rusty, who is a medical doctor, became the medical director for New Life. We wonder how anyone who has experienced the miracle of adoption could remove themselves from this ministry? God’s hand is truly in it.
When my Mom mentioned she was unsuccessfully looking for a Shepherding Home for a pregnant woman, the Holy Spirit whispered in my ear “Why not you?” I had to answer that question, why not me? We have plenty to share, and the scriptures are clear, what we’ve done for those in need, we have done, or NOT done for Christ himself. Rusty and I took a few hours to pray about it. You see, this woman had just been released the day before from the State Jail. This seems like quite a risk to take with three small children in the house. But despite the risk, we felt like God was saying “This is your chance to live your faith, not just talk about it.” So we told my Mom that day that we would take her in. I am so glad we were listening to Him that day! What a life-changing experience this has been for my family! Robin came to live with us almost two months ago, and she has forever changed the lens through which I see life. I have experienced adoption from the “other side”, and every adoptive family should! Robin has become like a member of our family. She has been delivered from her past mistakes by accepting Christ as her Savior. I was able to pray with her for salvation, and spend time in the Word with her almost everyday. I have the privelege of watching her grow in her faith and knowledge of Christ week by week. As a stay-home-Mom, it is ideal. I can’t get out to do many types of ministry outside of the home, but she came to me, where I live in the day-to-day, and by walking together, I am able to minister to her and serve her. I have seen everything through her eyes now, and it has changed me. I was in the birthing room with her, holding her hand, when her beautiful boy Jacob was born. It was a bittersweet moment. What a precious moment, when we lay eyes on the little one who’s been in the warm, hiding place of the womb. But our joy was with quiet tears, knowing that we would only have him for two short days before he joined his sweet family. I empathetically, felt the love and agony of a birth mom in the moment Jacob was born. I also had the joy of announcing his birth to two very proud adoptive parents, and seeing them hold him for the first time with tears in their eyes. I remembered living it from their side, but I was on the “other side” this time, and my heart was full of joy, but heavy at the same time for Robin. I spent those last hours with her holding Jacob for the last time before the placement. I cried with Robin as she signed the papers, and as she handed him to his parents. The finality of it weighed on me, and the peace and sorrow that co-exist in that moment can hardly be described in words. Making an adoption plan for Jacob was undoubtedly the right thing for her to do. Before then, I could only imagine how hard it was. Now I know. I drove her home from the hospital without a baby. We sobbed all the way home. That’s the reality of adoption from the other side.
My love and respect for our birthmother has only intensified. See, our birth mom chose us from the inside of a State Jail as well. She gave birth there, and signed the papers in a jail visit with my mother. When she was released, there was no Shepherding home available. Of course, it was Christmas time, and that is a difficult time to impose on families. She hated to impose on anyone during the holidays. But I can’t help but wonder how her life might have been changed had she had someone there for her to take her in and love her. My Mom picked her up from Jail, took her shopping for clothes and necessities (as they are only released with the state-issued clothes on their backs), and put her up in a motel. New Life bought her a bus ticket home weeks later to join family. They did everything they could to meet her needs and support her. But they are only three women! Three super-women, I admit, but human just the same. They are everything to these women in crisis. Their life-lines. But how drastically different might it have been if someone had taken her in, and lived out Christ’s love in serving her, despite where she’d been, 24/7? Might she know Him as her Savior today?
Some of you may not be sure you want to experience the “other side”. It scares us to feel the emotions of the birthmother too much. I promise you I was scared. But I assure you, as adoptive parents, it will only enrich and deepen the spiritual experience of adoption for you and your family. What New Life has tried to teach us is that you cannot love your child, and not love his/ her birth mother. Having the opportunity to wholeheartedly love and serve Robin has been a gift to our family. She will be staying with us for two more months as she re-builds her life. It is our joy to be used by God to His purpose in her life, and we are humbled by this experience. We have so much to share, and to give. Why not us? Maybe He’s asking you, Why not you?
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