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Jax was born on June 19th, 2002. Emma was less than two years old and my surprise baby had been persistently giving me pre-term contractions that were concerning to both us and my doctor. For six weeks I had been sitting on our couch on "bedrest" (which basically means I was on house arrest with a rambunxious Emma toddler) ballooning out, puffy and swollen, hooked up to an IV giving me some sort of speed that slowed my contractions but made me jittery, irritable, and super-tired of being pregnant. At 37 weeks I was taken off the IV drugs and my Doctor allowed me to contract away.
And I did.
But he still didn't come.
So, ironically, I was induced. Mostly because I'd had a hellacious marathon labor with Emma. We thought that girl would never come out.
So on this night, seven years ago, I had that panicked feeling.
Some of you know what I'm talking about...I'd been wishing for this baby to GET OUT for weeks and weeks, and suddenly, I was hours away and I was telling God "I'm not ready! How can I be ready?" I was so worried about how little Emma would respond. I was sort of mourning our last few hours with just one child, as strange as that sounds to me now. And most of all, I was fearing the great, big change that was upon us.
It turned out to be one of the best "changes" of my entire life. But I was afraid. I snuggled with Emma, who was still furiously trying to bump her way back into my lap that had vanished into thin air one day, knowing my bag was packed and my Mom was there. Everything was in place for us to be at the hospital early the next morning, but I was terrified and just cried. 60% due to hormones, and 40% due to legitimate fear.
The next morning my Mom, Rusty, and I headed to the hospital. We did the check-in and regular inducement thing, and then waited. I just waited for those pitocin contractions to get started.
I didn't have much of a birth plan. I found out with Emma that plans seem to be futile in the world of pregnancy and child birth. Not one smidget of either one was what I had expected. So I just planned to be unplanned.
My contractions got good and going by 10am, when the Price Is Right was on, and I got to work.
For some crazy reason, all sense of reason left me, and I decided not to get an epideural in there somewhere. Actually, I don't remember making that decision, I just failed to make any decision. I wanted to see how super-heroish I could be during child birth. People had talked up natural childbirth like it was far superior in comparison to people who get the sweet relief of paralysis and numbness, and since Emma's birth was such a nightmare, I guess I wanted to see how far I could go and if it was really so great.
I don't remember really exploring these thoughts, thinking them through, or discussing them with Rusty beforehand. Maybe I did and I just don't remember.
All I know is I was at an 8 and it was too late.
I visited a planet of pain I'd never known. It truly is another planet.
It's hard to describe or even revisit mentally.
But at no other time in your life do you make "those sounds."
I remember earlier in the morning hearing a woman laboring loudly next door to me and thinking "what in the world is that sound? Is that human? Is there a whale giving birth next door? And am I going to sound like that???"
I was sure I would not, but sure enough, those bizarre, birthing sounds started coming out of me.
I would have given anything to get to a 10. Anything!
I was stuck at a 9, and my Mother being the brilliant birthing coach that she is (truly, that's one of her real jobs and gifts in life) moved me to a different position and magically got me to a 10.
I pushed with Emma for an hour, (rather pleasantly of course. Paralysis. Numbness. I would pay for one of those right now, I think). Turns out that pushing goes a heck of a lot faster if you can feel it.
So 10-15 minutes tops, and we got that beautiful boy out!
*(Just in case you're wondering, my recovery and birthing experience did not personally feel enhanced by the natural nature of it. In fact, I felt more out of it than with the epidural because I was visiting that alternate planet of pain.
But somewhere deep down, I felt proud of myself. And a little crazy. But proud that I had done it. I have only given birth two times, so getting to experience both ways was kind of cool.)
At 1:31pm, Jaxson Steele Bacak arrived. He was incredibly lovable from the start.
He has been pure joy to us. He is one of the most amiable personalities I know. He is rarely upset, always looking for a good time, and usually ready to supply it.
He is pure entertainment around here. He lights up our house.
He's pretty much happy from the moment he wakes up until he goes to bed at night.
He loves the Lord and His Word.
He is learning to be more and more obedient, respectful, and helpful.
We feel incredibly blessed to have had Jax everyday of these seven years.
Happy Birthday Jax!