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Thursday, April 16, 2009

Peaceful and beautiful?

I have not abandoned this blog.
Or my normal life.
Well I sort of have, but just temporarily.
This has been a hectic week, as you might could guess.
It's race week! Hooray! God is bringing this good work to completion, and I'm so excited!
But it has been a little overwhelming at times.
Sometimes I realize my visions are bigger than my abilities.
That's a good thing to learn about yourself.
I'm so thankful for the people in my life who keep asking me "what can I do? What can I take from you?"
Sometimes I know, and sometimes I don't know where to begin.
I have been battling a spreadsheet this week. I'm not sure I've been winning. It's my first spreadsheet. I think Excel has been laughing at me.
And to top off yesterday, we had our family pictures taken.
They weren't originally planned for this week. Seriously, THIS WEEK!?
You Moms know what it's like to make six people look coordinated, shiny, and beautiful, right? It's sort of a nightmare.
And we hired a really talented professional photographer, our friend Ryan Price. We needed to make this shoot worthy of the time, money, and talent.
I couldn't even clear my head enough to figure out what I wanted us to wear.
I was shopping 15 minutes before it started for a white dress for Emma to wear.
(I think it turned out stunning, my daughter wearing a white dress, riding bareback on a horse. I CAN'T WAIT to see these photos!)
I e-mailed with my Mom a few hours prior to that, and mentioned I was stressed with race details and making us all "beautiful".
She wrote back and said to be "peaceful and beautiful."
I needed to hear that. I was quoting scripture to myself yesterday, but I knew it was not penetrating the reality of my day.
I was frazzled.
I went to bed last night, after painting 15 giant arrows on posterboards (you know, so you people don't get lost during the race. Kind of important!) and felt unsettled.
I had a headache, and my superhero husband sent me to bed and took what was left on my list and accomplished it like only he can.
But I still felt amiss in my spirit.
I went to each of the kids' rooms and kissed them again, while they slept.
I missed them. That seems strange, since I'm always with them.
But I have not been WITH them all week.
I've not been present in my life. I've been here, but glued to my computer and my spreadsheet while my children enjoyed the beautiful weather and sunshine. The registrations have been pouring in, and I have fought to keep up with them.
This is not me complaining! This is me LEARNING.
I have already begun a list in my handy-dandy notebook of "What I need to know next year." I will do a lot of things differently. I will start the spreadsheet earlier, and I'll know how to set it up.
I'll assemble a team of people, besides just me and Jeanna, who will give their all to this event. I know some of you would have been willing. I was just afraid to ask.
I'll start getting sponsors earlier.
I'll close streets along our route.
The list goes on.
I'll learn how to take this on, and be "peaceful and beautiful."
Today, when I woke-up and spent time with the Lord, He told me not to go to my exercise class this morning. He told me to stay home and be present with my children. I needed to not waste this day, neglecting my number one job as wife, Mom, and teacher.
Inhale. Exhale. Peace.
I'm so grateful to have heard Him speak.
I've been too busy to listen lately. I have been glued to lists, notebooks, and computers. I've literally wished outloud for a white board in my shower. Too many things pop into my head when I'm showering.
I've dreamed about the race, and have been rather consumed.
I stopped this morning and played trucks with Treston for a good 15 minutes. When was the last time I did that? Not this week. (It took me a long time to learn how to play trucks. You just have to make a LOT of sound effects. I've got it down now.)
But we are here, nearing the finish line.
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude that this event is successful and we've already broken the $3000 mark going to the CSP in Ethiopia. Can you imagine what that money means to them?
I'm overwhelmed with what God has chosen to do in changing women in my church's hearts about being good stewards of their bodies and breaking years of bondage as they've trained for this thing. I didn't see that coming, to be honest. God always overshoots my expectations.
I believe race day will be no different.
I'm thankful, and peaceful in this moment.
And I'm going outside to swing my kids.
Peace out.


Anonymous said...

I really am so sorry this week has been so stressful & crazed for you as you prepare for this wonderful event! I am thankful for being honest with where your heart is and how all this is impacting you. I have prayed for you throughout the last few weeks & while I ran (haha, I'm running!), but I will bump up how often I do that in these next two days! Jenn, this race is ALREADY a success because you are doing it with the sole purpose of giving glory to God and taking care of His children. So proud of you and can't wait to see you!!! Love you!

Emily said...

i love you Jenn!


Amy said...

I'm exhauseted just reading that, but I know the race is going to be great! $3000, WOW!

Marcus and Meg Asby said...

If you didn't blog, I would miss out on all this great teaching from your life. And I can apply it RIGHT NOW! Even before Asbaby gets here.

Glad blogging falls under your Titus 2 commitment. :)